Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
