he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
