I am puke
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im part way to drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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