Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
