Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
