So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
