P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
