If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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