Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
