she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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