dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
