guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
