strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
