She's JV to your varsity
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
