I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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