You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
