3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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