you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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