I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
