Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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