Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
