So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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