I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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