Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Actions speak louder than pants.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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