I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
