dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
