I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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