My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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