I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
NoShamevember. You game?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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