if you like me you must not know who I am
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
