Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
