We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
