Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
