hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
