Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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