we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
