I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We are all done wearing pants today
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
