We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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