i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
