So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
