i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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