I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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