I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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