i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
