I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Randomize
