You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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