Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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