If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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