what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
