You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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